Solitude

I'm reading 'Solitude' [Seeking Wisdom in Extremes] by Robert Kull, a novel about spending a year alone in the Patagonia wilderness. 

I'm sharing a few quotes that struck a chord with me as I read and related:

On That 'Something Greater':

     "I guess, at some deep level, I'm confident of my ability to cope with difficult situations, or I wouldn't be here.  And on the surface, I carry a patina of self-reliance, even arrogance.  But just beneath the surface, anxiety and doubt roil.  Perhaps the deep confidence is not in myself, but in something greater.  It's that Something I've come here to find, if I have the courage.  Or perhaps that Something called me to communion and I responded.     For months I've busied myself with activity, and now it's hard to slow down.  At times during the day I pause to just be, and these breaks, rather than formal sitting meditation, may be my natural spiritual practice.  I suspect the scattered moments will stretch and join into a more continuous attitude of listening, watching, and waiting for wilderness solitude to have its way with me"

 On Courage: 

"In the past I've thought that courage comes as a result of facing fear. But perhaps courage is somehow hidden beneath or within the fear itself and found by staying with it."

And lastly, on how and why we seek out solitude, and his findings that many other solitaries neglected to touch on the troubling but beautiful aspect of spiritual/psychological/emotional introspection:

"during my first long retreat into wilderness solitude...I felt certain my life had been healed once and for all, but I now doubt that such peak experiences ever endure.  They seem, instead, to be part of the ongoing flow of our living.
Solitaries vary in their focus of attention: inward and/or outward...this is, I believe, a reflection of how we fragment our lives - or at least our writing: we are either physical adventurers or spiritual seekers, but seldom integrate these different aspects of ourselves....Until we acknowledge our interior life and the value of psychological and spiritual training, we will remain unprepared to journey inward with equanimity."

As I struggle with trying to find my focus for this blog, I try on what he's saying...and I can relate it to travel - struggling with the adventures of every day while trying to, if I may sound cliche here, 'find ourselves' through spiritual work that we have often not prepared for.  I feel this dilemma surfacing again as I prepare to embark on my Panama trip.  What will I make it? How do I intend to attend to these issues as they arise, as they most certainly will!  What's at stake?